


Moonflowers

by Chingaling



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor is for sure ooc but whatev, Drug Use, I’m a beginning, M/M, Magic AU, Modern magic AU, No idea where I’m going with this, Short Chapters, Tree Bros, connor does a weed, everthings awkward, it’s weed, slight galaxy gals, somebody help that poor boy, will update as I go on - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-04-18 03:25:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 10,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14204001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chingaling/pseuds/Chingaling
Summary: Evan Hansen had always hated his powers, because I mean, who wants to be able to control plants? I mean, he still thought it was COOL but...Connor Murphy honestly didn’t care about all these magic shenanigans. His powers were all dark and scary, but ultimately useless unless he tried REALLY hard.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I would love some constructive criticism in the comments, I definitely need to improve lol
> 
> Or just roast me that would be cool too

   Evan Hansen had always been fascinated with plants, especially trees. But that didn’t change the fact that he thought his powers _absolutely_ sucked. He had nature manipulation, which meant he could make plants grow or die, or sometimes if he felt a strong enough emotion, he could even bend them to his will. He had learned once in school that it depended greatly on emotion. He thought back to when he had jumped from that tree, shuddering slightly. He fell, watching as the sky got further and further away. The emotion that day was fear. The limbs bent in an effort to catch him, no doubt slowing his fall. But in the end, he surely collided with the grass underneath. He ended up breaking his arm that day.

   His best friend, (maybe not best, only seemed like a better word) Jared, had an undoubtedly cooler power; water manipulation. He always carried around a water bottle to school, just so he could distract people during class. Evan kept a small potted bonsai tree in the top shelf of his locker, but nobody else knew it was there, of course.

   He silently stood next to Jared as he complained about some barista who got his order wrong. He was distracted by a familiar figure walking past, who he quickly recognized as Connor Murphy. There had always been something about the Murphys that Evan found aesthetically pleasing. He had a huge crush on Zoe for years, but he had communicated with her so little over the time that it had just sort of... faded. He couldn’t develop any similar feelings for Connor, though. If he was honest, he was kind of frightened by the tall boy. One thing he did know, though, is that Connor had dark energy manipulation. Evan thought that was awesome, by the way. There weren’t any dark magic users in their school aside from Connor and Zoe. She of course, used her voodoo more for luck than anything else.

   He zoned back into reality, and immediately wanted to phase backwards through the wall. Jared flicked his pointer finger, a small spurt of water jetting from the water fountain beside him. It shot directly into the back of someone’s head. Someone with long, dark hair.

   “Shit,” Evan muttered to himself. Jared smirked at Evans blatant discomfort. Connor whipped around, a small flicker of darkness at his fingertips.

   “Watch it, Kleinman.” He hissed, glaring at Jared. This was attracting far more attention than Evan would’ve liked, and Jared knew it.

   “Calm down. It was a joke.” Jared dug his hands into his pockets, his voice faltering for a moment.

   “Yeah, no, it was funny. I’m laughing. Can’t you tell? Am I not laughing hard enough for you?” He mocked, the room almost getting darker at the remark. The sarcasm seethed from his voice.

   “You’re such a freak.” He laughed, his nervousness now fully evident as he rushed towards whatever class he had. Connor stormed off, not getting far before Evan called out.

   “Uh, hey!” He stepped after Murphy, spending most of his confidence for the day. He stopped, turning slowly. He looked less angry now, and more... tired.

   “What the hell do you want?” Connor growled, most likely assuming that he was similar to Jared, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

   “I- I just wanted to, um, apologize for what he said. He’s a- he’s kind of an ass sometimes.” Evan looked to the floor, mentally slapping himself for how much he stuttered. When he finally managed to make eye contact, he saw something he had never noticed before. His eyes were startlingly blue, with smudge of brown on the left side of one. It was interesting.

   “Yeah. Okay.” He deadpanned, clearly thinking that this wasn’t sincere.

   “Sorry,” Evan murmured more to himself than Connor, thinking it wasn’t loud enough to hear. It was, of course.

   “It’s...” He looked at the nervous boy, clearly puzzled. It had definitely seemed like a joke. “It’s alright.” He walked away, less violently this time.

   Once he was out of earshot, Evan released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Whatever. He tried to shake it off. He got his things out of his locker and attempted to forget the events as soon as they happened. Doesn’t matter. He tried to convince himself. Not at all.


	2. Awkward encounters and car weed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title is kinda self explanatory but you know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to research what it feels like to smoke weed and lemme tell you none of that shit is helpful

“What are you doing here?” Connor heard footsteps entering the otherwise empty computer lab, snapping at the mystery person. He didn’t want to talk to anybody today, and he sure as hell wasn’t leaving one of the only quiet places in the school.

“Sorry! I just needed to, um, to get something. I can go- go later, though.” He looked up to see Evan Hansen. Because who else would it be, here to invade his thoughts again? The small boy turned, obviously frightened by him. What, did he think he was going to throw a fucking printer at him? (I swear, you throw a printer at a teacher ONE TIME!)

“No, wait.” He grabbed the freshly printed paper (that he definitely hadn’t already read) and held his hand out. “This is yours, right?” The paper began to sizzle under his grip, the same thing that would happen if it was burning. But it felt cold. This had only happened once, when he was little. He couldn’t find anything about it on google. Magic types were passed down through blood, and the type he had was 8th rarest in the world. So that was some scary shit. Evan took it, looking confusedly at the gap in the paper.

“Um, yes. Thank you.” He stuttered. Connor couldn’t decide if it was annoying or adorable. He just decided to shove whatever feelings he had deep into the empty void in his soul.

“Sorry. It happens sometimes.” He nervously fiddled with his hair. It wasn’t exactly a _lie_. “What happened to your arm?” He broke the short (but awkward) silence with the most cliche question he could’ve asked in the situation. But to be fair, he did want to know.

“I fell in- out of a- a tree.” He touched his cast gently. We’re there seriously no fucking names on there? He must really have no friends. Nobody deserved that. Besides himself, of course, but he already knew he was a huge hypocrite.

“Well that’s just upsetting,” He tugged on his sleeves unconsciously, grabbing a sharpie from his hoodie pocket “can I sign it?”

“I mean,” He laughed nervously. “You don’t have to.” He looked to the floor. Connor didn’t know it was possible for somebody to be that anxious.

Connor sighed exasperatedly. “Let me sign the damn cast, Hansen.” He signed the bulky cast in huge, shaky letters. Why was he so upset that nobody had signed it?

“Thank you,” He was drowned out by the bell signaling that they were both tardy. Evan ran off as Connor checked his schedule. Algebra? No fucking thank you.

He unlatched the computer lab window, climbing through the torn mesh screening. That was the only place he could escape this hellhole without getting caught. Stupid fucking hall monitors.

The stale summer air blew into the parking lot, rustling the leaves in the trees. Most of the cars were dingy and old, a result of underpaid teachers and kids with shitty first cars. His was no different, but it was closer to home than home would ever be. The asphalt was cracked and the lines were so faded the whole damn thing was basically 6 huge parking spaces.

He looked for a ziplock bag of weed that he knew was in his glove compartment, and plugged his phone into the aux cord, putting his Spotify playlist on shuffle. He felt the warm smoke traveling down his throat, into his lungs. He just sat and waited a while for it to kick in. It felt like forever, but he never actually knew the point where it took effect, he just knew one minute he wasn’t high, and the next he was. His magic worked better on weed, anyway. He breathed out a puff of white smoke, and let out another of dark, purple vapor. He watched them mix in the top of his car and giggled. He didn’t know what point school got out at, but it did. Weed time isn’t normal time. He opened the window slightly, letting the mingling smoke colors disperse from the windows.

“The whole fucking car smells like weed.” Zoe slammed the door of the car, huffing and slinging her backpack onto the backseat.

“Oops,” he replied dryly, turning the music up. He pulled out of the parking lot, almost running a few people over in the process. He wasn’t totally sure how he had managed to get his drivers license, to be honest. He was less of a douche then, though. The older he got the shittier life became. Maybe he was just getting smart enough to realize how it really was. Or hell, it was probably just the weed getting to him. Who knew.


	3. When anxiety attacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evans mom gets in a wreck, Evan has a panic attack, and Connor helps

   Evans phone buzzed from his pocket. He looked the screen, recognizing the number as the hospital his mom worked at. He hoped she hadn’t lost her phone again.   
  
   “Hello?” He answered, attempting to keep his voice down as to not attract any attention to himself. Which probably only attracted more attention.

   “Is this Evan Hansen?” A voice answered on the other line, obviously not his mother. What would they need from him?

   “Um- yes?” He felt himself shrink down against the tree he sat beside. He hated phone calls already, especially ones with unfamiliar people.

   “I’m sorry to tell you this,” The woman started. “Your mother got in a car crash on the way to work, she’s in bad condition.” The woman sounded uncomfortable about delivering this news. She sure got straight to the point, though. Evan felt his stomach drop.

   “Is- is she alive?” He asked loudly, his voice shaking. Oh god, what would happen if she was really dead? He felt his hands start to go numb at the thought.

   “She’s alive, but not conscious. We’ll have to update you once you get out of school on her condition.” Why wouldn’t they update him as soon as they knew? This had probably happened a while ago, anyway, and they were just waiting for lunch. School was _not_ that important. What if she lost her memory? The phone slipped from his clammy hands, falling into the fresh grass. His chest was burning as all of the possibilities swam around in his head. The grass grew, curling around his sweaty fingers. The plants felt like they were suffocating him, and now he _knew_ everyone was looking, which definitely didn’t help. Look at that plant freak, he can’t even control his magic.

   Through the welling tears he saw someone approaching him. For a moment he thought it was Jared, before he remembered that Jared was in the cafeteria. Even if he _was_ outside, he would probably just be watching from the sidelines with everyone else. A pale hand gripped his arm, pulling him away from the (now overgrown) patch of grass. He couldn’t make anything out very well, but he was pretty sure that was Connor. Why would Connor be helping him?

   Evan stumbled after him, soon being led into the boys bathroom. Connor slammed the door, checking to make sure no one was occupying the room. Evan slid down the wall, his heart definitely going over the speed limit. It felt like any minute he could just float away.

   “Calm down. You’re okay.” Connor placed a hand firmly on his shoulder. “You’re fine. You’re okay.” He kept repeating phrases like that, obviously unsure of how to handle the situation. At least he was trying to help. Evan stared into his weirdly calming, multitone eyes, trying to calibrate his brain somehow.

   “Just breathe. Focus on me, breathe in,” He counted to ten, Evan taking a slow, shaky breath. “Breathe out.” Evan sighed, and everything sort of slowed to a normal pace. He closed his eyes for a moment, processing the events of the last half hour.

   “Thank you,” He looks at Connor, who actually looked sort of concerned. Well, not very worried at all, actually. But it was more emotions than he had ever seen Connor Murphy express, so he felt that it was justifiable to say that.

   “It’s no problem.” He looked to the sink, apparently finding it fairly interesting. They both stood, it being incredibly awkward and quiet.

   “I- I should get to- um- to class.” He gestured to the hallway, his voice cracking from the amount of crying that had just occurred.

   “Seriously.?” He leaned on one of the disgusting sharpied walls, raising an eyebrow. What was that supposed to mean?

   “Um... yes?” He phrased it more like a question, which it sort of was. Where else would he go? He sure as hell couldn’t call his mom to pick him up.

   “You just had a major freak out,” _anxiety attack_ , Evan corrected him internally. “And you’re about to go back to class and pretend nothing happened?” Evan nodded slowly. “Why don’t you just skip?” Evan of course, had never done such a thing in his life. What would he do outside of school, anyway?

   “I don’t... know?” He lied. He didn’t want to get in trouble! They would call his mom, and... oh. Now he didn’t have as many reasons not to, he guessed.

   “I’ll go with you, I need an excuse not to be here, anyway.” He held out his hand, holding Evans phone. “You dropped this, by the way.”

   “Thank- thank you.” He smiled softly. This might not be so bad.


	4. Ice cream tastes better with a friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have ice cream and talk about vines for a little too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have no idea how hard it is to not make this gayer. I’m really trying.

“Alright,” Connor slammed the car door, listening as the engine hummed to life. “Where do you wanna go?” Evan just shrugged in reply. He didn’t know Evan at all, so he really didn’t know what he would enjoy. In the end he decided on ice cream. Everybody liked ice cream.

“Aren’t you gonna, um, buckle your seatbelt?” Evan looked like he struggled to ask such a simple question. Connor felt sort of bad.

“Nah,” he replied simply, “I’ve come to terms with death.” He was half joking. Evan laughed nervously, staring out the window. It was quiet for a few minutes after that.

“So...” Evan paused, like he hadn’t fully formed the sentence in his head yet. “Why did you help me?” Connor wondered the same thing. It would sound stupid if he said that, though.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you, Hansen.” He justified. “Why were you crying?” He answered with a question of his own.

“I- I don’t have to explain myself to you, Murphy.” He mocked as they pulled into the parking lot. Connor snorted at the overly nervous boy actually making a joke for once.

“Touché,” He parked the car crooked, stretching. “At least tell me what was up with the plants, though.” He recalled, the boy looked like he was drowning in grass, if that made any sense.

“That’s my power, uh, I can control pl- control nature. And stuff.” He seemed to get even shorter than he already was. “It- it’s stupid, I know”

“Not really,” Connor shrugged. “At least it’s useful. You could be like, a really successful gardener or something.” He wasn’t lying, either. 

“Really?” His remark came out a lot louder than either of them were expecting, Evan flinching at the volume of his own voice. “Sorry. I just, uh, nobodies ever said- ever told me... that.”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s cooler than mine. Like, what the fuck am I gonna do?” He created a little ball of dark liquid, and then let it sploosh onto the ground and dissolve. “What do you want?”

“Oh! I was- I don’t have any money or- or anything, I was just gonna...” His sentence fizzled out, and he just folded his hands together, looking to the ground.

“What do you want?” He asked again, crossing his arms. Evan smiled a little. That was a good sign.

“Just, vanilla?” Connor ordered for both of them, assuming that little ball of anxiety wouldn’t want to order his own food. (He was right.)

“Question time,” he said as they sat down. He guessed now that they were... sorta friends, or whatever, they should get to know each other. “What’s your favorite vine?”

“Probably the one... the one with the rubber geese?” He made a horribly inaccurate honking sound, but Connor knew what he was referring to. “What’s yours?”

“CHRIS!” He slammed his hands on the table, earning a confused glance from the employees. “IS THAT A WEED?” Evan looked startled by the sudden yelling, but he laughed anyway.

“No, this is a- a crayon.” He laughed, holding up his spoon. He hadn’t seen Evan actually laugh much at all before that. It was nice.

“I’M CALLING THE POLICE!” He continued, chuckling. “Okay, your turn. Ask me a question.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. They went on like that for a while. It was nice being listened to, for once. Maybe humans weren’t _all_ bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if anyone’s getting notifs for this, I keep making mistakes and having to edit or I’ll freak out.


	5. Olive Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me: Idk I want this to go a little slower, maybe just have things that are important to the plot in this chapter.
> 
> All of my remaining brain cells: *chanting* make it gay, mAKE IT GAY, MAKE IT GAY,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized how these chapters are like, wayyy shorter than they should be, but it’s too late now, I’ll have to change it for my next fic

   “If you don’t- uh, mind me asking,” Evan sat slumped in the passengers seat of Connor Murphy’s car. “Where are we- um, we going?” He fiddled with the seatbelt.

   “You don’t like surprises, do you?” Connor just seemed to realize this. He was right, though. Evan had never liked the idea of surprises, he liked to have his day planned ahead. He had by far already had enough surprises for one day.

   “Nope,” he shook his head, even though he knew Connor couldn’t see it. He constantly had too much to think about, even if it was just him overthinking things. He didn’t want to add to that list trying to figure out where they were going.

   “Alright,” The side of connors mouth quirked up a little. “So you were talking about trees earlier, right?” Evan hummed in confirmation. “So I thought I would bring you to this orchard I used to go to when I was little. Don’t worry, it was closed down a while ago, so you don’t have to talk to anyone.”

   “I...” He didn’t know how to respond. It was weirdly sweet, and he wasn’t really used to that. “Thank you,” He mumbled. Connor stayed quiet.

   A few minutes later, the car was parked outside of a grove. Evan soon realized that they were totally trespassing, but he decided to stay quiet about that part.

   “Do you know how to climb a fence?” Connor asked once he was already halfway up. “I mean you like to climb trees and stuff, so...” _Those are two very different things_ , he thought.

   “Yeah but, uh, trees have like, branches to ho- to grab, and stuff..” Evan scanned the barricade for some sort of foot holes. Connor just chuckled, holding out a hand. He let Connor pull him up, trying to push down the thoughts of oh god what if my hands were sweaty? And climbed the worn metal fence.

   “Tadaa!” Connor hopped down from the fence, Evan following more carefully. It was pretty beautiful, actually, if not eerie. The rotting apples everywhere were a tad unsettling for some reason, but the overall feel was nice.

   “Okay, so what do we, like... do?” He asked after a moment of taking in the view. Connor paused for a second, a mischievous look in his eyes.

   “TAG!” He called, slapping Evan on the arm and taking off. He definitely wasn’t expecting this, but he just laughed and ran after him.

   “Oh my god, are you five years old?” He shouted, jogging after Connor. He wasn’t complaining, though. It was a nice break from the sarcastic company Jared usually provided.

   “Yeah!” He yelled back. Connor was way too far ahead of him for it to be fair, he had really long legs. He concentrated, willing the plants to trip Connor. Evan made sure he wasn’t hurt, though. Muffled laughter came from the long grass. “Hey, no fair, asshole!” He couldn’t hear any venom in Connors voice, though.

   “There, now we both fell.” Evan flopped into the grass beside him. Connor was laughing, and to be honest, it was really nice. He looked over, smiling softly. Connors eyes crinkled up, and his voice had a sort of melodic tone to it. He soon realized that he was staring, and Connor was staring back. They just sat like that for a minute. Connor cleared his throat, sitting up.

   “You look like you work at- at an Olive Garden,” He blurted out one of the things he had observed. Connor burst out in a fit of giggles, brushing the dirt off his black jeans.

   “Where did that come from?” Evan sat up as well.

   “With the black clothes and- and the hair,” Evan laughed. Connor looked far more shocked by this information than he should be.

   “Oh my god, you’re right.” He took a hair tie off his arm, pulling his hair into a ponytail. “May I take your order?” Evan laughed, trying to ignore how pretty Connor looked like that. Don’t fuck it up. Evan shook his head a little. “Why not?” Connor wiggled his eyebrows. “Eat my breadstick, Evan.”

   “Oh my god!” He laughed, his face growing hotter as he buried it in his hands. “Why would you say that?” He snorted, falling backwards into the grass again. He hadn’t been this happy in a while. Connors smile was addictive, and Evan was hooked.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize how out of character Connor is but I feel kinda fine with it  
> bc it’s kinda hard since he was only NOT dead for like,, 5 mins in the musical


	6. Jared is intrusive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evans mom is alive! Also Jared does his Jared thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeet I wrote this one in my English class bc my teacher says I can write things after I finish my work 
> 
> Score

   “Yeah. Okay, bye.” Evan hung up the phone, falling back onto the sheets and releasing a long breath. So his mom was awake. He was glad for that fact, but he had his concerns. She had a broken leg. That itself wasn’t too bad, but the medical bills most likely would be. He knew how resilient his mother was about taking money from his college fund.

   He glanced to the bottle if anxiety medication, deciding on taking that nights dose early. He would need to. The journey with Connor had been a good distraction, but then he got a phone call from the hospital, and the illusion came crashing right back down.

   His phone vibrated from next to his head. He thought about not answering, but ultimately decided that wouldn’t be a good idea.

From Jared: hey.

From Jared: I heard about your mom

From Jared: do you want me to drive you over there?

To Jared: sure.

   He couldn’t stop overthinking everything. Overthinking about his mom, about school, about Connor. He had floated so far from reality that he didn’t even hear Jared knocking on the door the first time. Or the second.

   “Jesus, Hansen, you look like shit.” Jared greeted once the door was finally answered. Evan just sort of nodded tiredly in response. Once they were in the car is was quiet for a while, but anywhere with Jared couldn’t be quiet for long. “So where did you go during school today?”

   “Nowhere. Just home.” He lied, (badly) earning a laugh from Jared, who also decided to honk his horn for absolutely no reason.

   “You can’t lie to me Evan, you should know that by now.” Jared sighed. He was like a human lie detector. It was mildly unsettling.

   “I went to get ice cream.” He confessed. He just hoped Jared would stop asking questions soon. You can’t keep the truth away from the mighty Jared Kleinman.

   “Bullshit. With who?” And there it was. “I know for a fact you can’t order food for yourself. Just spill.” Evan gripped the handles on the car, like he usually did when he was riding with Jared.

   “I...” He groaned in defeat. “Connor took me.” He saw a little bit of water splash out of Jared’s water bottle, and he couldn’t tell if it was Jared’s excitement or his driving.

   “As in Connor Murphy?” He looked like he was about to combust. “Edgelord supreme? Hot Topic’s mascot? The ga-“ Evan decided to stop him there.

   “Yes, Okay? You can stop now.” Evan tried to will the blush off of his face. It wasn’t even that big of a deal, and Jared knew it.

   “Holy shit...” He whispered loudly. “Did he blackmail you? Did you guys fuck? Did he pay you to-“ Evan cut him off immediately.

   “NO! None of that- there was- we didn’t-“ He took a deep breath. “There was no sex or money involved.” Evan knew he would say something like that.

   “Alright, Alright. I’m done,” Evan sighed in relief. “For now.” He continued, Evan groaning. “We’re here anyway.” He was right. They were driving into that all too familiar hospital parking lot. “You ready to go?” Jared parked. Evan nodded slowly.


	7. The Angstiest Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor does his Connor thing and Zoe asks too many questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is my writing so much worse when it’s in connors POV? I relate to him a lot more, so I don’t get why these chapters are significantly less good

   “You’re late.” Was he only thing Zoe said once Connor pulled up to the school. _How nice of her._

   “At least I’m here. Would you rather me not show up?” Connor asked sarcastically. Zoe crossed her arms, glaring at the window like it was her worst enemy.

   “You’re usually still here, just smoking in the car. Why did you leave this time?” She jabbed a finger at him suspiciously.

   “I was...” If she knew he was out with Evan, she would most likely assume he was a drug dealer, which was very untrue. “Out.” Connor concluded finally.

   “Yeah, no shit.” She grumbled. “Where.” Why did she want to know? “Out buying drugs again?”

   “No, shitstain. Am I not allowed to have friends?” He started the car, Zoe making some sort of little surprised noise at the comment. He was not intending on revealing that part.

   “Who would hang out with you?” _Wow, thanks._ She furrowed her eyebrows a little. “Was it that nervous kid you were with at lunch? He looked too nice for you.”

   “Yes, okay? Now would you shut the fuck up about it?” He gritted his teeth. He knew that she wouldn’t listen, though. He wasn’t even sure why he tried.

   “You like him, don’t you.” She raised an eyebrow. He did. He wasn’t going to lie to himself about that. However, he was going to lie to Zoe.

   “Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m attracted to everyone, asshole.” He growled. Luckily they were at the Murphy’s house at that point, so Connor got to sulk in his room away from his family.

   He kicked off his boots at the door, stomping up the stairs for no particular reason. He felt sort of bad for Cynthia and Zoe, but the satisfaction he got from pissing Larry off was more than enough to drown out the guilt.

   While Connor was drawing, he noticed Evan stumbling his way into the sketchbook. He was nice to draw. He wasn’t going to deny his crush on Evan, there was no point. But what he would do is get mad at himself. It was stupid that he had managed to catch feelings so early on.

   In fact, he thought that feelings weren’t necessary whatsoever. A lot of the time, he felt too many feelings. He hated it. He just bottled that shit right up, as a coping mechanism. Sometimes he just felt empty. Not like no feelings, but empty was the only word he could use to describe it.

   He popped in an earbud, the silence bothering him. He wanted to text Evan, but that would be fucking stupid, so of course he wasn’t going to do that.  
  
   However, he did have an idea. It was a bad, stupid idea, but an idea nonetheless. But he couldn’t do it by himself. And the only person that could help was not a person that he liked. It was Jared fucking Kleinman.


	8. Return of The Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared continues to make everyone uncomfortable

   “Hi honey!” His mother sounded far more excited than you would assume someone who had just broke their leg would sound.

   “Hey, Heidi.” Jared butted I’m after a long pause where Evan hadn’t answered. He just waved uncomfortably. Hospitals stressed him out.

   “Hello, Jared. Thanks for bringing him.” Jared gave a thumbs up as they sat. “Have you eaten anything today, Evan?” Of course that was the first thing she had asked.

   “Uh, yeah.” He lied, Jared subtly kicking him in the shin. At least he didn’t say anything.

   “That’s good.” It was painfully quiet for a moment. “Also, I got a call from your school earlier, what was-“ Evan internally (and probably externally) freaked out at that.

   “Evan made a friend!” Jared blurted, interrupting her. Evan mouthed a silent _thank you_ , to him.

   “Really?” She must have been on a lot of painkillers to be distracted that easily. “Who is it?” Evan tapped his fingers against his leg.

   “His name is, uh- he’s Connor.” Evan tried not to freak out. Why was he freaking out in the first place? “He’s Zoe’s brother.” He added.

   “How is your leg?” Jared attempted to change the subject. He was actually a decent friend, sometimes.

   She and Jared talked, Evan completely zoning out. He couldn’t stop thinking about what would be happening. How would they pay the hospital bills? How would his mom work with crutches? What would happen if-

   “Hello? Anybody in there?” He felt a light flick to the back of his head, blinking a little.

   “Yeah, sorry just, uh, thinking.” _Obviously, dumbass._ He glared at the linoleum tiles, like that would somehow solve his problems.

   “She asked about Connor.” Jared crossed his arms. Evan smiled a little, resting his head on his un-injured hand.

   “He’s really funny, um, and smart. And- and he likes to draw-“ Jared cut in, making an exaggerated barfing noise. _Thanks, Jared._

   “Yeah, yeah. You’re Gay for Murphy. We get it.” He waved a hand dismissively. He was wondering how long it would take for Jared to bring that up again.

   “I- I uh...” He glared at Jared, then glanced worriedly at his mom, his face growing warm. “I’m not.” He concluded, twisting the fabric of his shirt.

   “It would be okay if you are, honey. I hope you know that.” She smiled sweetly, Jared struggling to suppress his laughter. Evan elbowed him in the stomach.

   “Well! We should get going.” Evan laughed uncomfortably. “I should get my homework done.” He lied. He didn’t have any homework. He felt bad. But he also slightly didn’t care.


	9. The murphy sibling bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some reason I can’t use italics anymore? (If anyone spots the panic reference I would love that)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t let Connor be an ass for too long

Connor knocked gently on Zoe’s door. He assumed that it wasn’t a great idea to barge in right now.

“What?” Her muffled voice can through the door. She sounded so tired. Connor almost abandoned the mission there, but he persisted anyway.

“Can I talk to you?” He asked, leaning against the wall. He could tell she was surprised by the calmness in his voice. To be honest, so was he.

“What do you want?” She sighed. All he wanted was to make things better. That obviously wouldn’t be too easy.

“I just-“ He took a deep breath. “Can you just open the god damn door?” He growled, the usual anger seeping back into his voice.

“Nope.” He heard the distinct sound of a locking door. Connor would sell his soul for a locking door. Or just a door in general. He hadn’t had a door in a long time.

He pulled a price of scrap paper from his irregularly large hoodie pockets. A note would have to suffice for now.

Zoe,  
I know that you definitely hate me and all that, (don’t blame you, hate myself too) but I want that to change. I’m not expecting you to forgive me, I wouldn’t forgive me either. I’m just saying that I want to make shit better for once in my life.  
Sincerely,  
Your asshole brother 

Connor neatly folded the note, shoving it under her door. He heard shuffling from the room, and he’s satisfied, slinking back into his room.

There’s a knock on his doorframe. He glances up from his book to see Zoe, significantly less upset than he would have expected.

“You know I’m not forgiving you, right?” She folds her arms, raising an eyebrow. He bit back a sarcastic, ‘that’s what the note said, asshole’, and nodded silently. “But...” she sighed, a shadow of a smile on her face. “We can try.” She held her arms out. He noticed how he towered over his sister when they hugged. It had been years since anything nice had happened between the Murphy siblings. Connor almost cried. Almost. But he didn’t.

“We can try,” He repeated, letting go. Maybe someone in his family could give a shit about him. Maybe.

He immediately receded to his car, putting on his only playlist that wouldn’t make old people afraid of him. Which meant fall out boy was a lot less present. 

At first he didn’t even drive, or smoke any weed, which is usually what he does after an emotionally conflicting situation. He just kinda lies there. It’s a strange feeling, really. 

He doesn’t start crying until a sad song came on his speaker, and he didn’t have the heart to skip it. There was nothing like a good cry with my chemical romance blasting in the background. 

Then he did something he had been holding back on for a while, pulling his phone from his pocket. His fingers hovered over the call button, before he decided texting would work better for everyone.

To Evan: hey.

From Evan: hi.

To Evan: what’s up in your life 

From Evan: uh not much? Just kinda watching YouTube 

To Evan: alrighty then  
What are you watching 

From Evan: just kind of listening to music I guess 

To Evan: booring  
I mean that’s what I’m doing too  
But my point still stands 

From Evan: well I’m boring so I mean  
Anyway 

He considered saying something about that. Evan wasn’t boring. Or maybe he was, actually. But Connor didn’t think so. He decided that would be strange, though, and settled on the most used text probably ever.

To Evan: lol same 

He locked his phone and turned the music up more. This was going to be a long year, he could tell already.


	10. Moonflowers (yeet that’s the title haha sorry)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> legit like 85% filler, Connor is gay, Jared is... interesting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again; I can’t use italics. I’m sorry for capitalizing things unnecessarily. I really don’t want to

Connor leaned against the lockers, picking at his nails. Evan smiled a little. His stomach was doing that fluttery thing it did when he was nervous. But he wasn’t nervous. It was strange.

“Looks like that’s my cue to skedaddle,” Jared said once Connor arrived. Evan chuckled, straightening the mess in his locker.

“Is that a tiny fucking tree in your locker?” Connor smiled, poking at the bonsais leaves. Evan hadn’t meant to let anyone see that. “That’s adorable.” Connor pulled a little packet from his hoodie pocket. “By the way, I got you this. I was going to wait for your birthday, but Jared said it was like... last month, so...” Connors face had the slightest tint of red. Only a little. He handed Evan the packet. It was seeds. Moonflowers. “They’re pretty fucking cool. They’re like.. vampire flowers. They only open at night.”

“Thank you. That’s- um, really sweet. Also that was weird. Sorry.” Evan shut his locker, hugging his books to his chest. His face grew warm.

“Stop apologizing. You’re good.” Connor adjusted the strap of his bag. The bell rang, and Evan rushed off to class. He hated being late, because everyone looked at you when you walked in. And then the teacher asks why you’re late. And the whole class was quiet while you explained why you’re late, which was usually a stupid reason anyway.

Luckily, the teacher didn’t ask. Class was uneventful, other than jared drawing dicks all over Evans arms, which he had to cover up with shitty flower doodles.

Zoe had joined then at lunch, which Evan decided not to ask about. He hoped it was a good reason. She almost hated Jared as much as Connor did. Almost.

“That’s fucking disgusting, I hope you know.” Zoe narrowed her eyes at Jared’s lunch. She was right. 

“I am well aware,” Jared said, continuing to eat his cold soup. The school had microwaves, but no. Jared decided to eat cold soup.

“At least it’s not as bad as last year,” Evan recalled. Jared laughed maniacally. He had been a nightmare since Evan met him.

“Oh god,” Connor groaned. “What did he do?” He rested his head on his hands. ‘That’s adorable. Wait no? No. It’s not.’ Evan thought.

“He brought a waffle maker to school every day. And he made EGGS. In a WAFFLE MAKER.” 

“I need to get all of my daily nutrients!” Jared defended, hugging his cup of soup. Zoe burst out laughing and Connor just... looked confused.

“Were they waffle shaped?” Connor squints at Jared. He was asking the real questions.

Jared didn’t reply, instead squirting Evan in the face with a Capri sun. Evan sincerely wished Jared could have ANY other power.

“That’s not even water!” Zoe exclaims, perplexed. Evan laughed, betting she regretted showing up. Lunch had gotten better than sitting by himself in the hallway, that’s for sure.


	11. Connor gets emotional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to make Connor a Certified Sadboy(tm) bc I feel like he isn’t just an angry child all the time? Dunno

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *tries to keep a casual amount of gay without going overboard*

It wasn’t ideal to be caught crying in the boys bathroom. And it was even less fortunate to be caught crying in said bathroom by someone you have a crush on. Which just so happened to be exactly what happened to Connor Murphy.

“Connor?” Evans footsteps echoed in the otherwise empty restroom. Connor looked up at him from behind his knees. He was sat curled up on the floor, which was pretty fucking disgusting. But he didn’t care.

“Please leave, Evan.” He whispers. He didn’t need this right now. He really just needed weed. Evan crouched beside him on the ground.

“What’s wrong?” Evan had never seen him cry before, and Connor could see the worry in his eyes.

“I’m running away,” Connor announced. He had only decided moments before, but at this point he was sure. He had considered it before, so why not? 

“What? Why wou- where are you-“ Evan took a shaky breath. “Why?” Connor wiped his eyes with his hoodie. God, why couldn’t he be angry instead? Being angry was so much better.

“My dad was a huge ass.” Understatement of the year. “And when Zoe tried to defend me, he yelled at her.” He left out several important details. Evan didn’t need to know how dysfunctional the Murphy’s really were.

“I’m sorry.” Evan leaned against him a little, which he shouldn’t have noticed so quickly. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “Where will you uh, go?” 

“Dunno. Probably just live in my car for a while or something. Doesn’t really matter.” He would still drive Zoe to school and everything. Zoe knew he had left.

“You could um, stay at my house?” Evan offered. He was too nice for his own good. Or maybe Connor was just an asshole. Probably both.

“Thank you.” Connor hugged him. Evan froze for a second, possibly surprise, possibly fear. Connor decided against the latter. Then Evan wrapped his arms around Connor as well. His heart wasn’t pounding like he had expected. He just felt safe. That was saying something for Connor Murphy. He pulled away. 

“Sorry.” They both said at the same time. Most likely for different reasons. Connor laughed as he stood.

“Really, though.” Connor smiled. “Thank you. A lot.” Evan just mumbled incoherently in reply, blushing. Damn it, Connor was so fucking gay. “See you after school?”

“Yeah.” They part ways. Connor immediately leaves to his car, which he should’ve done in the first place. He face planted into the steering wheel, the car honking loudly and scaring away birds. God, he wished he had weed. His phone buzzed from his pocket.

From Evan: you aren’t in class?

To Evan: skipping. Wanna come?

From Evan: sure, be out in a minute

He wasn’t expecting Evan to agree. Well fuck, now he had to stop being an angsty little shit in his car. He let out a loud groan, leaning the seat back. God, he hated having crushes.


	12. Jared isn’t helpful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan definitely didn’t ask the right person. Jared is... helpful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to write italics like /this/ bc my phone isn’t crappy

“What the hell would you need from me at 2am?” Jared’s voice grumbles through the phone. Evan starts to wonder if he should’ve confided in Alana instead. Or maybe even his mom.

“I know you’re up, Skype says you’re online.” Jared mumbled a curse on the other line. “I need advice.” 

“That’ll be 50 dollars,” Jared jokes. “Just kidding.” He clarified. “What’s up?” Evan considers making some excuse and backing off, but the truth comes out nonetheless.

“I think I have a crush on someone.” Evan squeezed his eyes shut. “Not Zoe,” he adds. He could tell Jared was prepared to make fun of him for the next 3 years.

“Who?” He considers the options. “Alana?” Jared asks almost as soon as the sentence escapes Evan’s mouth. He definitely should’ve talked to his mom.

“No, not Alana. I’m... not going to say.” He picks at the loose strings on his pants. Jared sighs exaggeratedly over the phone.

“Come on, tree boy. I’m going to fin out anyway, I’m the Evan whisperer.” It was upsetting how true that statement was. It wouldn’t surprise him if Jared was actually a psychic. “Besides, nobody will know other than me. And probably Connor. You guys are all buddy- buddy now, huh?” 

“I- he... doesn’t know.” Evan starts pacing the room. He could tell this would be a lengthy sort of call. 

“Ah, I’m getting warmer, I can tell from your tone. But it’s not...” Jared has a realization. “Oh my god,” he whispers. “HOLY SHIT!” Evan hold the phone away from his ear, flinching. “I was JOKING when I said that! But you actually-“ He wheezes.

“Jared, please.” Evan whines into the phone. He should have expected this. He really should have. He sat back down, face completely flushed. “Just help me! What do I do? It was different with Zoe, because I didn’t know Zoe! And I know Connor and we’re really close and it’s like, really weird? Cause I’m like...” He tried to calm the rambling. “Shit.” 

“Simple. Just tell him. He’s Gay. You of all people should know that.” What was that supposed to mean? God, he shouldn’t have told Jared.

“Not happening.” He couldn’t even imagine how /that/ would go down. He would literally rather Jared tell him. And he knew Jared would bend the story quite a bit.

“Yeah, didn’t think so. Just drop some hints and hope for the best?” Jared laughed. “How did you even realize? Just like, ‘hey, I wish I had some really weirdly long fingers wrapped around my dick right now! How about Connor, he has those fucking... spider fingers.’” 

“No jared! That’s definitely not- no.” He tried to keep his voice down. The very person they were discussing was sleeping a few rooms away. “I’m hanging up,” Evan grumbles. 

“Geez, fine. See ya.” Jared hangs up. Evan sighs, going to get a glass of water. Connor was still asleep. Thank god. Connor looked peaceful while he slept. Not so... troubled. And Evan was being creepy. There was that too. You can’t just watch someone while they sleep. That’s creepy. Evan is creepy. Whatever.


	13. Heidi makes an entrance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The most filler chapter you’ve probably ever read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t worry, plot is coming soon! Not yet, but soon!!!

“Who’s this?” A woman, likely Evans mother, asks from the doorway to Evans room. Connor hadn’t heard her enter the house, and according to how much Evan jumped at the sound of her voice, he wasn’t the only one. She had crutches and a casted leg, which Connor guessed was from the car crash Evan had told him about previously.

“Oh! Hi mom, this is my, uh, friend-“ Connor cut him off, trying to avoid the awkwardness that would ensue if Evan kept talking.

“Connor Murphy. Nice to meet you, ms. Hansen.” He greeted. She smiled, though looking a bit concerned.

“Oh, you can call me Heidi. I’ve heard good things about you, Connor.” Wait, what? “Do you boys need anything?” 

“Nope, thank you. Get some good sleep.” Evan smiles. Jesus, did she look tired. Connor hoped everything was alright around here. Once the door was closed, Connor turned to him.

“Have you told her I’m... you know.” Connor had been staying there for a week now. According to Evan, his mom had been home a few times while Connor was out. Evan had also apparently cried one of the times.

“I didn’t want to worry her any more. She already has too much on her mind.” He obviously cares a lot about his family. Connor wished he could say the same. “Also, if you’re here tomorrow morning, she’ll ask a lot of questions. Once she’s not like... half dead.” Evan laughed a little. “She’s not used to me having any friends besides Jared.” Well, that was upsetting.

“I’ll make sure not to miss it.” He watches Evan or of the corner of his eye. “She seems really nice.” He leans against Evan’s wall.

Yeah,” He whispers. It got awkwardly quiet. “Netflix?” Connor nods, watching the laptop buffer for a minute.

He put on some nature documentary that Connor barely paid any attention to. Evan was resting his head on Connors shoulder, just barely. As cute as the whole situation was, Connor hated it. He hated that he couldn’t just do normal things with Evan without that little warm feeling in his chest, without his breath getting funny, without smiling for no reason. 

“ I think I should go to bed.” Connor sits up straighter. He couldn’t do that for much longer. It was late anyway, who cared? He was probably in desperate need of sleep in the first place.

“Oh, okay.” Evans smile falters slightly. “Sweet dreams?” He adds as Connor departed. A smile creeped onto his face.

“You too, dork.” He shut the door gently, making his way to the couch. He normally felt bad about sleeping at another persons house, but by now he didn’t care.

Sometimes he wished those crazy fucking rumors about him were true. If only the kids at school knew that he, in fact, did not spend his nights sucking dick for meth. Rather, he spent them trying not to cry on Evan Hansen’s couch. It was funny how wrong you could be when you assume things about someone you don’t even know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have no idea how hard it was not to make it 
> 
> Evan: Netflix?  
> Connor: and chill?  
> Evan: hah sure   
> Connor:  
> Evan: WAIT NO


	14. The Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody knows when someone’s asks “can we talk?” It’s never a good reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actual plot!! (Sorta?) it gets more... intense, next chapter. If that’s the word I should use

“Why are you just staring out the window?” Jared finally looks up from his DS. Evan had completely spaced out.

“I planted some flowers outside, I’m looking at them.” The moonflowers we’re growing on a vine, snaking up the side of his window. They were just starting to bloom as it got later in the day.

“Yeah right,” he clicked the buttons furiously. “You’re waiting for your night in shining skinny jeans to come and save you.” 

Just let it /go/ Jared.” He blushed. A lot. “Just forget I told you anything.” He knew Jared wouldn’t heed his word.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that. I have the memory of an elephant.” Evan hits his head against the wall, Jared muttering curses at his Mario cart. “Don’t beat yourself up about it, dude. I don’t give a shit who you’re gay for. Just don’t be all...” he searched for the right word. “Mushy around me when you start dating.” Evan scoffed.

“Well that’s not going to happen. So you have nothing to worry about.” Jared was exasperating sometimes.

“20 dollars if you and Murphy fuck.” Correction: Jared was exasperating /all/ of the time.

“Jared!” He crosses his arms, and Jared raises his eyebrows. “Fine.” It wasn’t happening anyway. He sighs, bringing his knees to his chest. “But you’re an asshole.”

“Oh trust me, I know.” Evans phone buzzed and he jumped, rushing to answer. “Oh, how could you ignore me like this? I’ve been abandoned!” Evans heart jumped into his throat.

“Jared.” Evan didn’t look away from the screen, rereading the same three words like it would reveal some hidden message.

“Abandoned! I feel so betrayed!” Jared cried, putting a hand over his head and collapsing backwards into Evans bed.

“JARED.” He hissed again. Jared sat back up, a questioning look on his face. Evan handed him the phone. On the screen; one of the most fear inducing texts you could receive. 

From Connor: can we talk?


	15. Things get emotional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody knows how to handle the situation and so everyone just fucks it around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry 
> 
> I just felt like Connor wasn’t in character? Like, he’s got some problems. So I just decided he needed to get Angry and here we are 
> 
> You know I had to do it to em

“So what did- what do you want to talk about me with? About with me? Uh, yeah.” Evan stutters an unnecessary amount. 

“I was wondering w- if you wanted to go out some time maybe?” Connor didn’t look him in the eye. He wasn’t sure why he was doing this.

“Um, yeah? We- we go out all of the time?” Christ, Evan was /so/ dense. Fuck it. He was just going to give up on the whole thing.

“Never mind.” Evan sighs, Connor pulling at his hoodie sleeves. He didn’t think it was a good idea in the first place.

“Connor,” Evan murmurs. “You can’t just NOT tell me now! I’ll be thinking about it for like, 2 years.” Fuck it. Fuck /all/ of this.

“A date! I meant a fucking date. You happy?” Connor snapped. Evans eyes went wide for a second, before he shakes his head in frustration.

“Oh, so Jared told you, didn’t he?” What the hell did /that/ mean? “Of course he did. Well, it’s not funny.” It was... interesting to hear Evan raise his voice.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Connor narrows his eyes. What would jared be telling him? What did Jared have to do with any of this?

“Jared told you I have- I’ve got a crush on you! And now you- now you’re asking me that as a joke and- and now you aren’t any better than Jared! And I- I know I’m stupid for having feelings for you! Because I’m stupid, and you’re-“ he talked at what was probably maximum speed. “All of this is shitty!” He was crying by now, and Connor couldn’t bring himself to be shocked by any of Evans news.

“Well did you ever consider that I might be telling the fucking truth? I was vulnerable to you, but whatever! Now you’re pulling the same bullshit as everyone else. I thought you might be fucking different, but I guess not.” Connor had stood up, shaking away the black mist forming at his fingertips. He stormed out, down the hall. Evan followed suit. 

“No, wait I’m so- I didn’t-“ Evan stumbled on his words. Connor should have felt bad for making him cry. 

“Goodbye, Evan.” He slammed the door, stomping back to his car. He fucked everything up. Just like he knew he would. He was going home. Well, scratch that. He was going to his house.

When he had gotten to said house, the exact thing you would expect to happen had happened. Cynthia had cried and hugged him for approximately one minute and fifty seconds. Larry had said maybe half of a sentence before Connor was back in his room. It looked the same. He wasn’t sure why he had expected it to look different. 

“How did it go?” Zoe sat on his floor, homework in hand. He rolled his eyes. The events were just starting to catch up with him, and he really wasn’t agreeing with his own decisions.

“Oh, just fucking spiffy.” He grumbled sarcastically, grabbing a bottle of nail polish in some kind of vain attempt to calm himself.

“So not good?” She didn’t look up from her paper. He didn’t look up from his nails. Eye contact was a weird thing for the Murphys.

“No shit.” He shuts off his phone, resisting the urge to reply to Evans 8 apology texts. He shouldn’t have yelled. Evan shouldn’t have yelled. They were both immature. Case closed.

“What happened?” He really wished Zoe could... not. He closed the bottle, crossing his arms. Yes, he got nail polish on his clothes. No, he didn’t care.

“Short story shorter: he yelled, I yelled, he cried, I left.” Zoe had an expression that he couldn’t read.

“You WHAT?” He just shrugged, looking to the floor. “He’s fragile! You’re gonna- you could have broken him!” She waved her arms in the air. 

“He’s not a fucking window I can just shatter. Shit, he’ll probably forget about me before winter break. I’m not hard to forget, let me fucking tell you.” He spat.

“Yeah, whatever, asshole. I’m going to check on him.” Zoe turned on her heels, marching down her heels and, presumably, to the Hansen household. Well, shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that the magic is supposed to be a key thing! I am aware! I’ve just kinda... forgotten to add it in some points? Like I have some key scenes where it’ll be in there but when it’s not on purpose I just have to kinda leave little hints to remind everyone that it’s there? Usually they’re just Jared fucking around and shooting water at everyone but pff whatever


	16. Apology brownies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe to the rescue! (Featuring brownies bc they are delicious)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone says anything: I know voodoo is like, a religion? But when I was trying to figure out powers I was on a superpower wiki and that was on there and I just really like the idea so idk.

When Evan answered the door, Zoe Murphy wasn’t the person he was expecting to see. Jared, maybe. He had apologized to Jared. Alana, well, he wouldn’t be surprised if she had gotten his address somehow. Hell, maybe even Connor. He pushed that thought aside.

“Zoe? Why- what’re you doing here?” He mumbled, his voice cracking like crazy. That happens sometimes after he cries. 

“My brother was being a douche-canoe, and I want to make up for it.” How did she already hear about that? He decided it was better not to ask.

“Uh, thank you?” He let her in, eying a plastic bag slung over her elbow. “What’s- what did you- in with- whats in the bag?” He cringed at his own butchering of the sentence. 

“I am going to make you apology brownies,” she declared, searching for a kitchen before finding it and slamming the bag onto Evans counter. She was very violent sometimes. Just like Connor.

“Um, do you need... help, or?” Evan sat on the opposite counter, swinging his legs and watching Zoe pull ingredients from the bag.

“Nope, you go sit yourself down. We’re gonna eat brownies and talk about feelings.” Zoe ripped open a box of brownie mix, a little bit of the powder spilling onto the floor.

“That- um... that sounds good,” he admitted, hopping off the counter. He felt bad for leaving Zoe alone in his kitchen. But then again, he felt bad for a lot of things.

“He attempted to fall asleep for a while, but it was kind of hard with all of his intrusive thoughts. He also cried a little. Anyways, he was thankful when Zoe returned with brownies. 

“I think I made a /few/ too many. But whatever.” She offered him the plate. There was no doubt an abundance of brownies.

“There’s no such thing as too many brownies.” He sniffed. Zoe could definitely tell he was crying. His face was really red. Lucky she didn’t say anything about it.

“You’re right about that.” She smiled. “Oh! Watch this!” She held the brownie into the air. “Snack?” What the hell was she doing? The brownie disappeared. He was supremely confused, to say the least. “The whole voodoo thing? You gotta give the spirits an offering to get them to do stuff.” She explained. “Do something cool.” There was a feeling like a breeze rushing through the room. Then there was confetti. He wasn’t exactly sure what direction it was coming from. There was just... confetti. Which was pretty cool.

“Wow. That’s- uh, wow.” He wasn’t sure how to respond. He wasn’t quite comfortable with Zoe yet, so this was pretty awkward, to say the least. At least she wasn’t uncomfortable too. That was good.

“So, you wanna... talk about feelings and shit? I mean, you don’t have to, but.” She took a bite of brownie. “Connor is kind of a massive ass, so I feel like it might help.”

“He’s really not that bad.” He hesitated, smiling sadly. He still really liked Connor. There wasn’t much he could do to get rid of that. “But sure. We should talk.”

He ended up admitting his feelings for Connor to another person. Whoops. Zoe also told Evan about Connors similar feelings, which normally would’ve been reassuring. But now, it just made him a little sick to his stomach, thinking of how things could’ve turned out. He had managed to completely convince himself that their entire friendship was ruined. So that wasn’t a conforming thought to be floating around his head constantly. That night, when he looked out his window, the moonflowers were refusing to bloom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m trying to make this chapter something besides “I miss my boyfriend imma cry about it blahhhhh” but I still wanted it to be a lil angsty? Dunno


	17. Connor is a sadboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s feeling regretti 
> 
> And has no spaghetti

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the summary I have no idea what came over me 
> 
> But I’m keeping it

Music wasn’t working. Reading wasn’t working. Hell, weed wasn’t even working. Connor just couldn’t get his mind off of that fucking boy. No, Evan Hansen was at the forefront of his mind constantly. 

Another thing about the whole situation was that Zoe had almost completely stopped talking to him. She spent so much of her time at Alana’s or Evans. 

He shoved the covers off of him and sat up in his bed. He knew Zoe would be better off without him. Hell, Evan too. But something else he knew was that Connor Murphy was one selfish fucker. And he wanted his sister back. He wanted /Evan/ back. 

Luckily, he had one of the most conveniently located trees he could, right outside his window, perfect height to sneak down from. 

He usually only used the window to go off and get high alone in some secluded part of the city. He had been doing that more and more lately.

He made his way down as gracefully as he could on half an hour of sleep and a five hour energy. Let’s just say the branches scratched him pretty bad. 

It was only then that he realized if you were going to apologize to someone, showing up to their house at 2am wasn’t the best idea. But he was already on the ground. That meant it was time for an adventure.

He wondered how many places would be open at 2 in the morning on a Wednesday. The answer turned out to be: not fucking much. He ended up at Denny’s. He felt sort of bad for the employees. The store was completely empty other than a tired looking college age girl and a crazy looking Connor Murphy. He had ordered 7 pancakes and then immediately left to his car. He ended up falling asleep in his car in a Walmart parking lot, not because he was planning on it, but more like because he was exhausted.

He couldn’t stop thinking about what he would say, how it would go. He sort of wished that he had never said anything, and just stayed to the side, silently pining. Then again, he would probably regret not telling him too. He was a mess. This whole thing was a mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You hear a knocking at your door. You swing it open, thinking it’s the pizza you just ordered. It’s not. It’s me. You ask, “What the fuck are you doing at my house?” I hand you a box and leave, I say nothing. In the box is a single sticky note. On the note, a message is written; 
> 
> “Ding dong, it’s filler time”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhhh here it is fam 
> 
> The moment has arrived

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next are the last two and are also really rushed so dont mind that 
> 
> I’m writing a new thing and I kindof don’t like this anymore 
> 
> But I’m sure as hell not leaving an unfinished fic on the Internet, that’s a sin

Around noon, there’s a knock at Evans door. Why would anyone be knocking at his door? Zoe was already here, Jared had just left. Maybe it was just somebody trying to sell vacuums. That seemed perfectly logical.

“I’ll get it.” Zoe smiled softly.” For the past week and a half, Zoe had been over almost every day. He was really glad Zoe was here to answer. He would probably panic and buy a vacuum.

He brought his knees up to his chest, trying to figure out his math paper. He hadn’t been going to school. He didn’t think he could handle it. God, he was so unstable. It wasn’t even a big deal, he just made it into one. Jared had dropped off his homework.

Through the wall, he heard Zoe raising her voice. He was feeling less and less like it was a vacuum salesman. Why would she be yelling at a vacuum salesman? There was a sound like furniture being scooted across the floor. He felt fear rising in his chest. Zoe was dead! They killed her, and he might have been there to save her, but he wasn’t. 

Loud footsteps banged down the hall, getting louder and louder. Well, that was it. They were going to kill Evan, and he would never get to say goodbye to his mom. He would never graduate high school. His hands were shaking like crazy, eyes fixed on the bedroom door.

The door swung open, he braced himself as he heard the knob slam on the wall. But he didn’t get shot, or stabbed, or... hit over the head with a vacuum. 

“Connor?” He was standing in Evans doorway, and to be totally honest, he looked like a fucking mess. “What? Why are-“

“I’m sorry. I really fucking am. I missed you.” It was obvious that he didn’t know what to say. Neither did Evan.

“Why are- why would YOU be sorry? I- I’m the one who messed it up and you god mad, which- um, isn’t your fault cause I kinda-“ Connor cut him off with a hug.

“CONNOR!” Zoe was storming up the hall. “I FUCKING-“ She caught wind of what was happening. “Oh.” She took a little step back.

“You should go.” Connor glared at her. He thought things were better? Evan hoped he hadn’t messed it up somehow.

“I should,” she agrees, spinning on her heels and walking the other way. “Talk to you later, Evan.” He waved, before realizing that she couldn’t see it and cringing a little.

“Sorry for crying on your hoodie.” He pokes at the damp patch he left on the shoulder of Connor’s jacket. 

“You can cry on my hoodie any time.” Evan chuckled. He couldn’t deny that he had missed stupid shit like this. Connor sat up straighter. “I’m taking you to get food.”

“Why.?” He was pulled from his seat on the end of his bed. He knew why. Evan was predictable, to say the least.

“When’s the last time you ate?” Evan used all of his will not to lie. He had been living off of apology brownies and half a bowl of oatmeal. Whoops.

“The other day?” He followed Connor to the other end of the house, only then noticing how he had failed to keep the place tidy. Some cleaning was definitely in order.

“The other day? Yeah, no. Where do you wanna eat?” Why was the couch scooted into the front of the hall? Whatever. He would have to ask later. 

“I don’t- um, I don’t really care. Whatever.” He squinted as soon as he got outside, shielding his face from the sun with his hands.

“Oh my GOD, what do you want?” He groaned, pulling open the car door. Evan really didn’t care. Whatsoever.

“Um...” he said the first thing he could think of. “Ice cream.” Connor clapped, taking his hands off of the wheel, which sort of made Evan want to cry. But he didn’t say anything.

“You did it! I’m proud.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol this is so fucking dramatic


	19. Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This doesn’t feel finished. That’s because it’s not. This was supposed to be around 25 chapters. I feel kinda bad for not giving it the proper sendoff, but it’ll just get worse if I have to force myself. So.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last chapter was supposed to be in Connors POV but I have a specific pattern and I felt really bad betraying my pattern

He hadn’t meant to yell at Zoe. He hadn’t meant to let the room fill with dark mist, like he was some sort of angsty fog machine. He hadn’t meant to make Zoe use her magic to slide a couch across the room. He hadn’t meant to slam Zoe into a wall. He just kind of goes blank when he’s angry. Not as in like, blacking out. He had control. He knew what he was doing, and he knew how it would affect people for the most part. But when he was angry, he didn’t /care./

Anyway, ice cream. They had decided on ice cream. They were eating ice cream. He would apologize to Zoe later.

“Hey Connor?” Evan spoke. He was so quiet that Connor was sure he wouldn’t be able to hear him if they weren’t enclosed in such a small car.

“Hm?” He attempted to shove more ice cream into his mouth before he had to answer any questions. Evan poked at his ice cream with a spoon.

“So I uh, just wanted to ask about something? Cause, like... um.” He squirmed in his seat. “I really like you, and I know- well I think you like me, which doesn’t really make sense, but, but YOU don’t make sense. Like, not in a mean way but-“ Connor cut off his rambling, which was increasing in speed as he spoke.

“Evan.” There was a mumbled apology, which Connor chose to ignore. “Calm down.” He knew it was easier said than done.

“Im sorry! It’s just- it’s just that I made things weird even thought they just started to NOT be weird-“ Connor cut him off. Again.

“Can I kiss you?” Evan blinks. Connor also catches him pinching his arm, which he couldn’t decide how to feel about. It was kinda cute, though.

“Can... can you WHAT?” Connor came across as a lot calmer than he was. Evan was panicking. Anyone could see that.

“Can I kiss you?” Evan struggled with his words for a solid fifteen seconds, before hugging in frustration and pulling Connor towards him by the hoodie strings. Kissing Evan was a strange experience, to say the least. It’s like what he imagined it would feel like if you were drinking calming herbal tea that was infused with cocaine.

Evan tasted like vanilla. It was probably the ice cream, now that he thought about it. It was funny because vanilla was Connors /least/ favorite ice cream flavor. He felt like it was a good time to make exceptions.

“My ice cream just melted ALL over my hand.” Was all that Evan had to say about it. He looked down. Both were definitely melted.

“Well that’s a catastrophe,” he commented. Evan tried to open the car door. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Throwing this away.?” Connor took it from him. “It’s gonna drip all over your car!” He protested.

“Problem solved,” Connor yeeted both cones out the window. His almost his a car. I’m talking, within inches of the car.

“Connor, that’s LITTERING.” He seemed genuinely hurt by Connors lack of remorse for the environment. The window rolled back up.

“Chillax. They’re waffle cones. The birds can have a feast.” He started the car, Evan snickering.

“Who uses the word feast?”

“The birds.” Evan went on a litttle side tangent about how he used to want a pet bird. Connor just listened and drove. He hated to admit it, but he could listen to Evan talk about birds for a long fucking time. And for the first time in a long time, Connor felt like things might end up alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end! It’s over! Congrats if you read it I guess? Dunno what to write here, besides the fact that I am aware that I put the most cliche boring ass line to conclude this story, but that’s just kinda... what I’m doing. See ya fam.


End file.
